Zack's Stash
by the croc
Summary: Zack has less than pure intentions when it comes to his roommate. Clack! Also- mentions of Reno/Rufus and Yuffie/Tifa


_Disclaimer: Zack, Cloud, Yuffie, and Reno are not mine._

_AN: Holy crap, so I was totally aiming for 'sweet sub' Cloud but I ended up with 'sassy sub' Cloud... again. I can not seem to write him with out giving him a strong personality. Anyway, I have no clue where this idea came from but I adore 'stalker dom' Zack so I fell in love with it immediately. I hope you love it too! Anyway, I always like to know what ya think- that's why I post- so drop me a review!_

**6:00 pm Outside Cloud and Zack's apartment**

_Fiddle. Fiddle. Fiddle_

No…

_Fiddlefiddlefiddle._

Not quite…

_Fiddle fiddle fid- click!_

"Ha!" A triumphant Reno jumped up happily as the lock clicked out of place, hairpins in his hand. An uncharacteristically irate Yuffie proceeded to smack him across the head for _daring _jeopardize their super secret ninja mission with such a loud noise.

Sheepishly rubbing his forehead as she pressed her finger to her lips, he pressed the door in and crawled in after her.

After securing the area and insuring themselves that there was indeed no sign of life in the apartment as they had been expecting they let themselves relax and, no longer needing stealth mode, got up from the floor.

With delighted- though quiet- victory dances that were only interspersed with the occasional happy squeak from Yuffie, the 'ninja' and 'ninja-in-training' ran to their goal: the fridge and quite a few bottles of alcohol.

**6:30pm Cloud and Zack's kitchen**

"Alright Reno!" the brunette talking was laden down with bags upon bags of random foods mainly containing breads, fruits, vegetables (courtesy of Cloud's healthy habits), and day old pizza (that Zack had somehow managed to sneak past his blond roommate)- that was still good- she tested, "It's time we make our exit. Unless Cloud joined him in the gym today, Zack should be back soon. However, we don't want to risk it! K?"

The redhead himself was sagging under the weight of multiple bottles of beer, rum, whiskey, and wine (because Zack never refused Cloud's requests and Cloud was oddly classy in his alcoholic habits). All in all, their mission had been a success and their victims' cupboards were far lighter than they had been before they were struck by 'master thieves.'

Ah, what college students will do for food and booze.

They had an excuse though. While Cloud at nineteen was a classmate of theirs Zack at twenty-eight had long graduated and had a rather prestigious job at SGAF Lawfirm. In fact the 'F' was for Fair as in Zack Fair. Therefore he could more than afford to fill their coffers once again. It was an act of charity towards his much poorer, starving, booze deprived friends. If anything they were doing him a favor, giving him an excuse to order out rather than have yet another healthy dinner and he wouldn't even have to sneak his junk food in this time!

Bobbing his head and swaying with the rather heavy load that decorated his skinny frame, Reno gave her a roguish grin and began making his way towards the door and freedom. Of course Reno wouldn't be Reno if he wasn't sidetracked on the way.

Grinding to a halt and going so far as to dump his bags on the ground beside the door he made a rather foolish (in some people's opinion) decision. "Uhm, Yuffie? What do you think Zack's hiding in his office?"

Of course, at this point said imp had to make a rather difficult decision. She could continue their trek out the door and, in doing so, go totally against her nature but with her ninja training or she could check out what's behind the forbidden door that she'll never again get a chance at being that Zack always has an eye on it whenever either Reno or herself are over.

The choice was rather obvious if she did say so herself.

Ditching her bags by her partners in crime she followed him to the locked door. In his zeal Reno got it opened rather quickly and they were treated to the sight of a rather messy though large office.

**6:35 pm The Innards of Zack's Sacred Place**

Most of the search was a waste having come up with various things such as law books and court documents and it was only after they had upturned months of hard work and rifled through drawers upon drawers of junk food and booze (some of which they made sure to secure along the way) that they came across pure beautiful hot steamy gold.

Reno's green eyes were wide and his mouth hanging open as he slipped the manila envelope he had found beneath the lining of a drawer open and dumped the precious contents into his tenting lap.

"Holy effing shit."

**6:40 pm Once Again Outside Cloud and Zack's Apartment**

Zack had had a long day. It had started when he had been pinned with the creepiest case _ever_ including a mad scientist named Hojo who had been nicknamed Frankenstein by cops and law men alike, had continued with Cloud canceling their lunch date (though Zack only called it that in his head) because of a late paper he had "totally forgotten about" and had finished with Cloud not showing up at the gym that day (damn paper!), not to mention he had this _feeling_ that something dreadful was going to happen and his suspicions were confirmed when he found the lights to Cloud and his apartment already on though he knew for sure Cloud was still in the school library as well as an energy saver and would _never_ leave them on.

Pulling out his gun (half his opposition dabbled in some crazy mako BS and he still had to be alive so crazies like Seifer and Leon- best friend or not- didn't get their hands on _his _Cloud) and pressing the door of the apartment open ever so quietly-

To find food and booze once again piled by the door.

Shoving his pistol back into his pants, he growled, "I'm really gonna shoot them this time.

**6:42 pm The Innards of Zack's Sacred Place… Once Again**

Reno had just found the most beautiful, hottest black mail material he had ever seen in his life.

It was times like these he was glad he was gay.

Angry after a few long minutes of trying to get her partner's attention- for it can never be said that Yuffie Kiseragi was a patient person- the brunette finally huffed indignantly and, planting her hands on his shoulders, lent over the fiery haired male to get a good look at what held such captivation over his attention. She was not disappointed.

"Holy shit! Zack's a pervert!"

It was the Ninja and her partner's bad timing and terrible luck that said pervert walked in the door at that moment, his face red with anger that soon transformed into embarrassment when he found the duo huddled around his secret stash.

The two thieves looked up, guilt written clearly upon their faces and for moments the three were caught in a rather thick stalemate as they exchanged looks mixed with embarrassment and surprise.

It did not take long, however, for the pyro and megalomaniac wannabe of the group to snap out of his stupor and for a rather large, rather crude smirk to stretch over his speckled face, "So Zackary," His name was stretched out with a pleasurable purr as the ginger picked up the rather incriminating evidence and shuffled it like a dealer with a deck of cards, "When's dear, sweet Cloudy gettin' home?"

At the mention of the innocent bystanders name both brunette and ravenet snapped out of their individual stupors and their faces stretched into two very different expressions. Yuffie's own matched her partner's in crime as a shark like smirk twitched at her girlish lips and her pixie frame took a rather coquettish drape over Reno's shoulders.

Zack's however took on a nervous smile as his navy eyes blinked continually- a habit that often gave him away at poker and he began with reasoning, "Now, now, ol' buddies. Just give those back. You don't need 'em… What good would pulling out a best friend's dirty laundry do?"

The only response he got was light, albeit gloating, set of snickers from the dangerous duo. Grinning and picking up a piece of the contents, the pixie flipped it around, giving a show of admiring it at all angles with great deliberation, purposefully flashing the victim a rather easy view of the "dirty laundry", "'Dirty laundry?'" She laughed, a smooth girlish laugh she usually did not possess, "'Dirty laundry', he says," Snickering again she dropped the evidence with the rest of the haphazardly strewn pile then suddenly turned serious as she leaned upon the red head's shoulder. "No my dear Zackary, this is _far_ more than "dirty laundry," this is the juiciest blackmail my associate or myself have ever come upon. This-" She paused as if considering her words and the rest of her monologue was made with great, sweeping gesticulations, "This is gold!"

There was a moment of silence that was filled with the huffing that was Yuffie catching her breath, Reno considering their victim, and the victim seemingly lost in thought.

It was broken not by any of the expected players but with the sudden sound of the slamming of the door and the voice of Zack's siren echoing throughout the large apartment. "Zack, you home?" A pause as every eye, be it brown, navy, or green, focused on the door of the apartment and footsteps sounded as Cloud continued his way into the abode. "Why is all our food by the door-" He cut himself off and continued in a far more aggravated voice, "And why do we have pizza!? You promised you were going to start eating healthy… Zack, where are you?!"

It was chaotic and destructive as the door to the office swung open to reveal one chocobo haired, oceanic eyed beauty standing in the doorway - also the last person any of them wanted to see at the moment, and that was saying something being that Zack had proclaimed the blond "his most favoritest person" the moment he first baby sat eight year-old Cloud and vowed to always take care of cute little shy Spikey.

So, without further ado, the ravenet puppy dog through himself across the table and falling just short of covering the precious proof of his indiscretions as he screamed curses and bloody murder at the two and the ones who began this entire debacle threw their arms out trying to cover the damning evidence that would lose its very precious use of getting them forever free alcohol should it be seen by those suspicious blue eyes.

Cloud, interest piqued by the cacophony waltzed right up to the desk and, plucking the picture the Yuffie had recently been waving in front of the damned puppy's face, examined it for a moment before picking up the rest and going through each one by one.

They each revealed to be random pictures of himself in various degrees of dress ranging from a towel slipping away from his waist in the early hours of the morn to him pulling his shirt up and away from his slim waist, all taken from the very same digital camera Cloud had gotten Zack last year.

Finally, reaching the end of the pile, the blond calmly set the pictures down and, looking up at three sets of horror stricken eyes and, making certain to narrow on one set of navy specifically, he murmured, "That's kinda hot."

Arousal flared in the surprised depths of his roommate's gaze and shocked navy turned to molten midnight as the world around them fell away- that is until Reno let out a low whistle and an extended, "Da-amn." Turning to an equally surprised Yuffie, he murmured, "Cut me off a piece of that slice of sluttishness."

Of course his words pulled the oceanic eyes from his border-line-stalker and he flicked a glare at the two intruders. "You know, Reno," Purred the blond, as he pressed his palm to the stack of pictures, "If this gets out, I might accidentally let it slip to Rufus that you were peeking at me in the shower."

His freckles stuck out in all their brownish-red glory against the ghostly paleness that crept through his face at the mention of his high-maintenance, often bitchy lover, "But I wasn-"

"Yeah, good luck telling him that." Then his eyes flicked the snickering Ninja, "And, I don't know how well your girlfriend will take it when she finds out you tried to sneak alcohol. Didn't she ban you, when, under the influence, you stole the school's supply of toads and set them free in her bar?" It was the red head's turn to snicker and the brunette was reduced to grumbling about 'the unfairness of life when Tifa plots with Cloud.' Smiling sweetly, and once again narrowing bedroom eyes on the raven, he dismissed them with a, "Night guys."

The new couple didn't even care when the thieves stole away with the booze.


End file.
